The Reality of Elder Care

Reality TV shows appeal to us because they present a "what if" scenario for the viewer. What if you were stranded on a deserted island? What if you could sing in front of the nation? What if you had the undivided attention of a ballroom dancing champion? What if you had a total makeover by five gay men? These shows provide us with an appreciation of the challenges, risks, endurance, and other skills involved to succeed in these situations. While the shows each follow a script of some sort, the emotional journey and impact on the individual responding to the obstacles presented is what differs from episode to episode. As we relate to some of the participants, the "reality TV stars," we wonder if we would fail or excel given the same task or opportunity. With a better understanding for what is involved after watching season after season, we may feel we are experts or at least wiser at taking on parenting, dog training, or dancing the paso doble.

Over the last year, as I became more involved in the care of my elderly relatives, I often felt that TV cameras should be right behind me, capturing the situations that would shock family reality TV stars Ozzie and Sharon Osbourne. But no reality TV show prepared me for these scenarios. What if your elderly relatives have their telephone service cut off for non-payment? What if they forget how to make pasta? What if they forget their address? What if they fear they are in a foreign country? What if they believe the year is 1963? What if they insist they do not need help? What if their neighbors and co-op insist they do? What if the available rehab unit seems like a shelter? The subject matter may not be as glamorous or cute as babies, celebrities and athletic young bodies, but it can be much more shocking and colorful. The elderly, their caregivers, their family, their neighbors and their community face many challenges, and the solutions for dealing with them are not taught in any course at school. Those struggling with the problems that aging entails are only increasing in number as our population grows and lives longer. It has been said that caregiving isn't about fixing anything. It's about creating a life you can bear, and which, in turn, bears you. How do you assess that at the boardroom table with Donald Trump?

The extended trial this past year of Anthony Marshall, son of Brooke Astor, and his attorney was the closest thing to a reality TV show on the subject of elder care. Celebrities came out on all sides to spotlight the challenges in the media. This month, I hope you will take advantage of our program on March 9, 2010 at 6:30 pm, when Assistant District Attorney Elizabeth E. Loewy, from the Manhattan District Attorney's Office, will speak about elder abuse and what we can learn from the convictions of Anthony Marshall and his attorney. Kudos to Miriam Davidson and Kay Marmorek, Co-Chairs of the Elder Law and Disabilities Committee, for their work on this and other programs to highlight elder law issues.

Elder care is a complex issue likely to affect all of us. It should be the subject of regular TV programming. There are plenty of stories out there that would raise expectations of what can be achieved in improved quality of life for our seniors and tap the potential inside us to enhance that of our own family members, who took care of us for so many years. You too could be a reality TV star or a star in reality to your elders.

Donna M. Praiss

Archives

February 2010

In her President's Message, Donna M. Praiss titled her message "Helping Hands". To view the President's Message in full, click here.

January 2010

In her President's Message, Donna M. Praiss titled her message "The New Life Balance ". To view the President's Message in full, click here.

December 2009

In her President's Message, Donna M. Praiss titled her message "Beyond Firsts". To view the President's Message in full, click here.

November 2009

In her President's Message, Donna M. Praiss titled her message "Finding Inspiration". To view the President's Message in full, click here.

October 2009

In her President's Message, Donna M. Praiss titled her message "Can I Give You A Hug?". To view the President's Message in full, click here.

June 2008

In her President's Message, Lisa A. Sokoloff titled her message "STAND UP FOR OURSELVES AND AMERICA". To view the President's Message in full, click here.

April 2008

In her President's Message, Lisa A. Sokoloff spoke about "Re-Evaluating A "Victimless" Crime". To view the President's Message in full, click here.

March 2008

In her President's Message, Lisa A. Sokoloff spoke about celebrating the women in our lives. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

February 2008

In her President's Message, Lisa A. Sokoloff spoke about continuing the struggle against gender bias. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

December 2007

In her President's Message, Lisa A. Sokoloff spoke about making 2008 the best year ever for the NYWBA. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

November 2007

In her President's Message, Lisa A. Sokoloff spoke about the summary of results from our first annual survey on the status of women working in Manhattan law firms. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

September 2007

In her President's Message, Lisa A. Sokoloff spoke about GENERATIVITY. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

June 2007

In her President's Message, Lisa A. Sokoloff spoke about how "Our Work is Not Done". To view the President's Message in full, click here.

May 2007

In her President's Message, Teresa Schiller reviewed this year's events. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

April 2007

In her President's Message, Teresa Schiller reflected on the importance of rainmaking. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

March 2007

In her President's Message, Teresa Schiller reflected on gender diversity in large law firms. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

February 2007

In her President's Message, Teresa Schiller reflected on lessons in humility. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

January 2007

In her President's Message, Teresa Schiller reflected on the benefits of dual membership in the Women's Bar Association of the State of New York. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

December 2006

In her President's Message, Teresa Schiller reflected on the importance of pro bono service. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

November 2006

In her President's Message, Teresa Schiller reflected on military wives as unsung military heroes.To view the President's Message in full, click here.

October 2006

In her President's Message, Teresa Schiller Teresa Schiller reflected on the importance of making our worlds larger again. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

September 2006

In her President's Message, Teresa Schiller Teresa Schiller reflected on the importance of building a network of women lawyers. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

July 2006

In her inaugural President's Message, Teresa Schiller reflected on the importance of community. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

Spring 2006

In her President's column in the Spring issue, President Christina Kallas discussed how women continue to lag behind men when it comes to earning power, and suggests that this is one more item for the legislature to address as it considers 'no-fault' divorce legislation. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

March 2006

For Women's History Month, Christina Kallas reflected upon how far we have yet to go. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

February 2006

In her column for February President Christina Kallas asked us to consider what it is we pay attention to in our culture. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

January 2006

In her column for January President Christina Kallas asked, "Do we (still) need a women's bar association?" To view the President's Message in full, click here.

December 2005

In her column for December President Christina Kallas discusses the Mental Health Court initiative. To view the President's message in full, click here.

November 2005

In her column for November President Christina Kallas asked us all to honor the memory of Ms. Rosa Parks by making one change. To view the President's message in full, click here.

October 2005

In her column for October in honor of Mediation Settlement Month, President Christina Kallas discusses whether mediation is an underused tool in a lawyer's toolbox. To view the President's message in full, click here.

September 2005

In her column for September, President Christina Kallas reflected upon the changes in our country since September 11th. To view the President's message in full, click here.

June 2005

In her column for June, President Christina Kallas discusses change and continuity. To view the President's message in full, click here.

April 2005

In her column in April, President Elizabeth Bryson talked about sexual politics and "women's work." She took issue with Harvard President Lawrence Summers' recent remarks implying that women are innately less suited to pursing careers in science or engineering. Such retrograde thinking is self-defeating. Mr. Summers had to apologize, and Harvard is now actively address the status of women in academia. Ms. Bryson also discussed upcoming events, including the Association's Annual Meeting, a CLE program on "Evolving Opportunities for Women' Lawyers," the Foundation's next fundraising breakfast, the WBASNY Convention, and of course our fantastic 70th Anniversary celebration on June 1st. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

February 2005

In her column in February, President Elizabeth Bryson talked about matters of life and death. She related the experiences of a friend fighting breast cancer and her mother and family addressing the loss of two brothers to AIDS several years ago, and how each circumstance, though very different, teaches us once again the importance of choosing to live life to its fullest every day. By contrast, she considers the proposal in the NYS Legislature to reinstate the death penalty, and WBASNY's brave stance in opposition. To view the President's Message in full, click here.

January 2005

In her column in January, President Elizabeth Bryson discussed the importance of taking steps to ensure that judges in New York have the appropriate qualifications and integrity to ensure the fair and equal administration of justice. She discusses pending legislation and proposed amendments to the Rules of Judicial Conduct that would have an influence on the method of selecting state court judges and the rules that would apply to candidates for judicial office in New York. Ms. Bryson was honored to chair a WBASNY Task Force to look at the proposed legislation and rule changes, and she discusses the process and proposals. She also describes the recent gala celebration WBASNY's 25 Anniversary and the wonderful presentation of the inaugural "Betty Weinberg Ellerin Mentoring Award" to Justice Ellerin. Finally, she reminds everyone of the importance of ensuring that their membership is renewed by January 31, 2005. New members are also welcome, and they can join for half-price dues starting in January! To view the President's Message in full, click here.

December 2004

In her column in December, President Elizabeth Bryson discussed the importance of speaking out and being heard. She demonstrated the value of the Association's screening of candidates for judicial office, particularly now, when the integrity of the judiciary is under attack. Because many of our members practice in solo and small firm settings, Ms. Bryson recommended that members appear before the Commission on Solo and Small Firm Practice, which is holding hearings and looking for comments, concerns and suggestions to make the lives of attorneys in these settings and their clients easier. Members should also plan to join us at several upcoming events that promise to be very exciting, including the NYWBA Foundation's Breakfast Series Speaker Event, a fundraiser scheduled for December 1st, WBASNY's 25th Anniversary Gala on December 2nd that will pay tribute to our own past President, the Honorable Betty Weinberg Ellerin, for her nearly 50 years of mentoring and service to women attorneys and judges throughout New York and across the country, and the New York Women's Agenda's Star Breakfast on December 7th. To view the President's message in full, click here.

November 2004

In her column in November, President Elizabeth Bryson celebrated all the wonderful programs and events that happened this fall, including our Annual Membership Reception. She also discussed the recent controversy with respect to screening the qualifications of candidates for judicial office in New York County, which became the subject of an article in the New York Law Journal. To view the President's message in full, click here.

September 2004

In her column in September, President Elizabeth Bryson asked members to join her in celebrating the Association's 70th Anniversary year (2004-05). Coincidentally, it was also the 25th anniversary year for the Women's Bar Association of the State of New York (WBASNY), which is the umbrella organization for all 16 women's bar associations across New York State. The NYWBA and its past President Joan Ellenbogen were instrumental in the formation of WBASNY, and it is a joy to see that it is flourishing. This is Beth's second term as President, and in her column she discussed the excitement of continuing programs begun last year and new programs that will begin this year. She also congratulated everyone who was involved in the wonderful year-end festivities, including our Annual Dinner and the WBASNY Convention. To view the President's message in full, click here.

April 2005

In her column for April, President Elizabeth Bryson congratulated several women who make history every day, including the 11 honorees designated for Women's History Month by the National Women's History Project and the New York City Commission on Women. She provided an update on the proposed rules that we have supported to allow asylum for women who are victims of domestic violence or other brutality that is directly or indirectly endorsed by their country's governments. Ms. Bryson also highlighted numerous upcoming events, including the NYWBA Annual Meeting and the Annual Ethics Forum, both in April, and the Women's Bar Convention in New Orleans and the NYWBA Annual Dinner, both in May. To view the President's message in full, click here. .

March 2004

In her March 2004 column, Ms. Bryson notes that NYWBA's membership has increased by over 33 percent from last year, and nearly 50% from two years ago. She praises the terrific work of NYWBA members, Officers, Board members, Committee Chairs, and others who worked on our membership drive and demonstrate why our bar association is so important, strong and vital. She also salutes two people who may not be lawyers but whose contributions are absolutely invaluable to the Association and the NYWBA Foundation - Executive Director Marta Toro and NYWBA Foundation member Denise Coleman. "Our Association is blessed with so many wonderful women and men who contribute their talents." To view the President's message in full, click here.

February 2004

In her February 2004 column, Ms. Bryson discussed the importance of mentoring and networking, especially for women attorneys. She also announces that the Association's Annual Meeting will be on April 28, 2004, when the 2004-05 officers and directors will be elected. Our gala Annual Dinner will be on May 26, 2004. At that event, awards will be presented to Linda Greenhouse, Pulitzer Prize winning author and New York Times reporter covering the U.S. Supreme Court, and the Hon. Jacqueline Silbermann, Administrative Judge of the NY County Supreme Court and Chief Administrative Judge for NYS Matrimonial Courts. To view the President's message in full, click here.

December 2003

In her December 2003 column, NYWBA President Elizabeth Bryson profiled important issues for our military, including the incidents of rape and sexual harassment at our military academies, the scourge of domestic violence, and the shameful track record of "don't ask, don't tell." She also discussed our exciting membership drive and the Reception Honoring Newly Elected and Appointed Judges. To view the President's message in full, click here.

November 2003

In her November 2003 column, NYWBA President Elizabeth Bryson discusses the importance and benefits of membership, as well as the recent visit of distinguished attorneys from Malaysia who were invited by the U.S. State Department to meet with NYWBA representatives. To view the President's message in full, click here.